Sexless Marriage — Definition, Causes, Impact and Solutions

  What is a Sexless Marriage? Definition & Prevalence

The definition of sexless marriage varies across sources. Clinically, it’s when couples have sex fewer than 10 times per year. But frequency alone doesn’t tell the full story. A marriage may also feel sexless when intimacy is missing and one or both partners feel distress about its absence.

Research shows sexless marriages are more common than many think:

• About 15% of marriages in the United States are sexless, according to Gitnux.

• The National Health and Social Life Survey (1994, University of Chicago Press) found 20% of married couples had sex fewer than 10 times in the past year.

• Studies in the Archives of Sexual Behavior consistently report that around 15% of couples go without sexual activity for 6–12 months.

  Signs and Symptoms of a Sexless Marriage

• Lack of physical intimacy.

• Emotional distance or rejection.

• One or both partners feel lonely or frustrated.

• More conflict on unrelated issues that mask sexual dissatisfaction.
  
  

  The Multifaceted Causes of a Sexless Marriage

1. Physical & Health Factors

• Medical issues & medications: The American Sexual Health Association (ASHA) notes that conditions like Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder or erectile dysfunction may result from diabetes, hypertension or antidepressants such as SSRIs.

• Postpartum effects: The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) highlights that postpartum recovery varies, but fatigue, stress and body image concerns are common libido killers.

2. Psychological & Emotional Factors

• Mental health challenges like depression and anxiety reduce desire.

• Trauma history can shape intimacy. Studies on PTSD confirm a strong link with sexual avoidance.

3. Relational Dynamics

• Poor communication and unresolved conflict.

• Lack of appreciation or romance, leading to an “empty emotional bank account.”

• Mismatched libidos, also known as desire discrepancy, are recognized by the Sexual Medicine Society of North America (SMSNA) as one of the most frequent couple issues.

4. External Stressors

• Work, financial and parenting stress.

• Research shows that elevated cortisol — the body’s primary stress hormone — can inhibit sex hormones, reducing sexual drive.

  The Impact of a Sexless Marriage

On the individual: loneliness, low self-esteem, depression, rejection.

On the relationship:

• Higher divorce risk — sexual satisfaction is a reliable predictor of marital stability.

• Infidelity risk — unmet emotional or physical needs may drive affairs.

• A 2015 study in Social Psychological and Personality Science found that while more frequent sex was linked to greater well-being, the benefits plateaued at about once a week. This highlights that quality matters more than quantity.

  How to Rebuild Intimacy — Actionable Solutions

1. Initiate Blame-Free Communication

Use “I feel…” instead of “You always…” Focus on needs, not blame.

2. Prioritize Non-Sexual Intimacy

The Passion Triangle model in couple’s therapy emphasizes intimacy and thrill as essential before rebuilding sensuality. Try date nights, affectionate touch and expressing appreciation.

3. Address Underlying Causes

• See a doctor for medical concerns.

• Try therapy for mental health or trauma.

• Consider couples counseling for ongoing conflict.

4. Redefine & Schedule Intimacy

• Learn the concept of responsive desire, developed by Dr. Rosemary Basson, which explains that desire often arises after stimulation rather than before it.

• Scheduling intimacy reduces performance anxiety and rejection fears.

• Begin with small steps like cuddling or massage to re-establish comfort.

5. Seek Professional Help

Certified sex therapists — such as those accredited by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) — provide proven strategies for intimacy issues.

  How to Be Sexually Satisfied in a Sexless Marriage

Sexual satisfaction may require reframing intimacy. Couples can nurture closeness through communication, shared activities and non-sexual affection.

For unmet physical needs, it’s essential to explore healthy outlets. Some turn to self-pleasure or intimacy tools. At XdollCity, we offer realistic, customizable adult dolls made from premium TPE or silicone for lifelike touch. They’re easy to clean, discreet to store and ideal for both collectors and individuals seeking private comfort. These companions can reduce frustration, ease pressure at home and help couples focus on rebuilding emotional trust.

  How to Live in a Sexless Marriage

Living in a sexless marriage means redefining intimacy. For some couples, emotional closeness outweighs sexual activity.

Practical strategies include:

• Sharing affection through small gestures.

• Building teamwork in daily routines.

• Finding fulfillment in hobbies, friendships and personal growth.

Identify what still works — shared values, friendship or caregiving — and invest in those strengths.

  How to Survive a Sexless Marriage

Surviving takes resilience and proactive self-care. Feelings of rejection are common, but acknowledging them is healthier than denial.

Helpful steps include seeking therapy, building supportive networks and setting realistic expectations. A couples therapist can guide you in deciding whether to adapt the relationship or re-evaluate its future.

  How to Deal with a Sexless Marriage as a Woman

For women, sexless marriages can feel especially heavy due to body image concerns, emotional labor and societal expectations. Many report feeling blamed when desire drops.

Action steps:

• Open dialogue: express feelings without blame.

• Medical evaluation: hormonal changes, postpartum recovery or HSDD may be involved.

• Self-empowerment: self-pleasure or tools that restore confidence can help reduce frustration.

Tracking health and mood shifts helps women advocate for their needs and protect their well-being.

  FAQ

Q1: Is having sex once a month considered a sexless marriage?
A: No, since it exceeds the clinical definition of fewer than 10 times per year. But if it causes distress, it still needs attention.

Q2: What if my partner refuses to acknowledge the problem or work on it?
A: Communicate openly and stress its importance. If resistance continues, consider Discernment Counseling to decide on next steps.

Q3: Should I get divorced over a sexless marriage?
A: Lack of sex alone isn’t grounds, but chronic loneliness and emotional disconnection often become serious reasons for divorce.

Q4: Will masturbation or an affair solve a sexless marriage?
A: Masturbation offers healthy release but doesn’t fix intimacy. Affairs usually add trauma, mistrust and damage, making repair harder.

Q5: Is it okay if we are happy in every other way except sex?
A: Yes. If both partners feel satisfied and connected, a marriage can remain healthy even without frequent sexual activity.

Q6: What is the "normal" frequency of sex for couples?
A: There’s no strict normal. Dr. Barry McCarthy notes the average is about once a week, but satisfaction matters more than frequency.

Q7: How to be happy in a sexless marriage?
A: Focus on emotional closeness, shared goals and personal fulfillment. If both partners feel valued, happiness is possible without sex.

Q8: How to deal with a sexless marriage as a man?
A: Express needs clearly, address health issues and consider therapy. Healthy outlets like self-pleasure can reduce stress during the process.

Q9: Why would a man stay in a sexless marriage?
A: Men may stay for love, family, financial stability or companionship. Emotional security and shared values often outweigh sexual activity.

Q10: How long will a man stay in a sexless marriage?
A: It varies. Some stay indefinitely if other needs are met, while others reach a breaking point when emotional pain becomes overwhelming.

  Breaking the Silence on Sexless Marriages

A sexless marriage doesn’t have to be permanent. Identify the issue, address the causes and rebuild intimacy step by step. Quality of connection matters more than frequency.

If you need a private bridge while working on your relationship, explore XdollCity’s custom companions. They provide lifelike touch, emotional comfort and even collector appeal. Ready to experience intimacy on your terms? Visit XdollCity today and find your perfect companion.